Being your mom the last 5 years has been such a wonderful time. Words just can’t describe how incredibly you are. I’m so blessed to have you as my first child. 

Being a mom for the first time can be hard and requires a steep learning curve. There have been many nights that I’ve laid awake questioning if I have done all I could for you – if I have been a good mom to you. You have taught me more than you will ever know little man. You have taught me that we, as a society, we should do more to encourage boys. But unfortunately, our society we are living in now doesn’t praise boyhood like it did in the past. I want you to climb trees and get into mud. I hope that other boy moms will also fully embrace boyhood too. 

I’m so blessed to have become a stay-at-home mom and that your father had that desire in his heart for that too. Between the doctor’s visits and procedures you have endured, it would have been really hard to balance being a mom and working. And I love the extra time that I get to spend with you. Together, I’ve been about to see you sit up for the first time, learn how to ride your bike and everything in between. You’ve grown so much and so fast of these last 5 years! Your life and all that you have overcome from your prematurity has truly been a miracle.

You’re the first baby I held in my arms and called my own. Thank you for teaching me how to be a mom and how to care more deeply than I ever knew that I could for a little boy with a heart of gold. You make me smile and laugh daily at all of the funny things that you say. I honestly never knew having a boy would be the best thing in the world for me, but God knew what I needed – you. And because of you, Carson, my view on boys has been completely changed.

Your father and I love you so much that we are thinking that we should have another baby to love. As you know, Carson, I was alone as a child. And I understood why my parents had only me and no other children. As a child, I was very sick and life just happened and so, my parents needed to solely focus on me. But since the day I married your dad, I knew that I didn’t want to have an only child. I remember being a child and wanting someone else to play, laugh and talk with. So that’s why I want you to have a sibling. And that’s why I want us to adopt a baby again.

You need to know that when we bring your new brother or sister home it is going to be hard for the first couple of months or so. We’ll be working on getting a new routine in place for our family. And the baby will need more time from mom and dad. But know that we still and will always love you. You will always be our little man. And you will always be my baby boy. 

This special time we have had while you have been my first and only and the memories we have created together will be something I will always treasure. And I just can’t believe that someday soon you’re going to a big brother. You are going to be the best big brother ever. Using that sweet heart you have, you can show your new brother or sister how you help mom with chores and with cooking. You can show them how to get muddy, feed them the chips and salsa you love so much and say prayers and sing songs with them at night.

My prayer is that you will have a great relationship and strong bond as the two of you grow up together. Be sure to give each other lots of grace and show your love.

Until the baby comes, we’ll keep making more special memories with you and enjoy every moment, because it will never be the same as it is right now when that little brother or sister shows up. Thank you for being my first baby. I love you.

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